By Lynn B. Johnson, MFA, APR
The best way to prepare for puberty and development in a child with developmental disabilities (DD) is to communicate both openly and early, says Behavioral Health Specialist Katherine Antall, of the Cuyahoga County Board of Developmental Disabilities (Cuyahoga DD).
“Long before puberty is on the horizon, parents and caregivers can incorporate consent discussions into everyday tasks, like hygiene and dressing — any situation where they can ask for permission and respect their child’s answer,” Antall says.
These foundational subjects open the door to upcoming “sex-ed” talks.
Line up Help, Early
Puberty is not delayed in youth with DD. Parents and caregivers should be prepared, not only with information but with supportive people.
“Get ready to teach them about anatomy and the changes that are about to happen in their body, because most likely, they will not receive the same level of education as other students at school,” Antall says.
“Your pediatrician is a great place to start,” she adds about how parents can gather information about these topics. “Your county board of DD has resources, too.”
It’s also important to review the information before you start teaching your child.
”We don’t think about this much — ‘the day-to-day,’” Antall says. “Brushing up on the topic yourself before sharing about it will increase your confidence. Your resulting comfort with the material will extend to your child and the learning experience.”
Broaching the Subject
When you do talk with your child about puberty and development, don’t think it will be one and done.
Ask your child open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a yes or no.
“Think about it like you’re baking a cake… add the ingredients one by one,” Antall says. “Smaller conversations can open the door: in the car, if you’re strolling around the neighborhood. Something that isn’t face-to-face. You don’t want your child to feel like they are at the principal’s office. For most kids, if they can do something parallel during the conversation, it tends to go better.”
Early Changes to Look For
Parents and caregivers may notice emotional changes before physical changes appear.
“The emotions become more intense, and interest in friends — social interests vs. familial ties — start to be more pulling,” Antall says.
With everything else necessary to support a child through this time, don’t ignore the relationship-building skills.
“Look for social-skills groups: weekly opportunities after school or on the weekends,” Antall says.
Your board of DD should have provider referrals that might work for your child.
“Parents are so exhausted and so worried about if their child can sit through the day, will the teacher call me, can he master this skill… Often, parents think ‘If we just get through puberty, it will be okay,’” Antall adds. “But on the back end of puberty is an adult who needs to have the social skills and the understanding of their own and other people’s bodies to function in the world: jobs, relationships, education. These interpersonal skills are important.”
Monitor Internet Access and Red Flags
It’s important to keep track of what your child can
access online.
“Porn and social media are the biggest risks to sexual health safety,” Antall says.
She only lets her eldest watch YouTube when she is in the room. Once, after watching an adult YouTuber pretend to be a nine-year-old, Antall asked her son, “Why would an adult pretend to be a child, why would an adult do this?”
“My kid had no answer for it,” she recalls. “I still must be there to monitor, because the way this was presented was normalizing it and that is one way grooming happens online: when adults pretend to be children.”
Other grooming signs include talking to unknown people or anyone your child has not physically met face-to-face. It can’t simply be a friend’s friend, because then you’re trusting that someone else knows them. Anyone who requests photos or personal information is a red flag. Parents should also be aware anytime strong emotional language comes into play, such as “I love you,” “I’ve never met anyone like you,” or “You’re so special.” Anything that is highly emotionally charged is something to watch for.
Looking Ahead
Antall suggests that families need to focus on the little things now to build a good future:
- talks about consent and privacy discussion
- anatomically correct naming of body parts
- encouraging social interaction with people in their
peer group
“No parent is ever done parenting,” Antall says. “Leaning on resources to help, and speaking openly with your child are great ways to usher them through puberty into adulthood.”
Website resources that can help
- plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-southwest-ohio/learn-with-us/idd-programs
- missingkids.org/netsmartz/home
- amaze.org
Conversation starters for your child
“How can you tell if someone is being a good friend?”
“What are you looking for
in a partner?”
“What does a healthy relationship look like to you?”
“I heard this word, ‘catfishing’. Have you ever heard of that? Can you tell me what it means?”
“What have you heard about scams online?”
“How do you decide who to give your location or address to?”
“Has anyone ever shown you anything that made you feel uncomfortable?”
https://www.cuyahogadd.org/